


Parker and the Marauding Job

by angelsaves



Category: Leverage
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Gen, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 05:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5034781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsaves/pseuds/angelsaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which, for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, the Leverage crew is attending Hogwarts. Sterling has taken over for Filch, and he's got the Marauder's Map in his clutches. Obviously, they have to liberate it. (Short, silly, and unbetaed.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parker and the Marauding Job

Parker doesn't have anything better to do, so when a Patronus shaped like a parakeet catches her and tells her to go to the Quidditch stands at noon, she does.

"You're probably wondering why I've brought you all here," says the Slytherin prefect, adjusting his tie. Parker's not, particularly. She's wondering when she's going to notice that she's stolen the Remembrall right out of his pocket.

"I suppose," says the girl next to him, polishing her Hufflepuff prefect badge ostentatiously with a handkerchief.

"You might say that," says the Ravenclaw boy with the... whatever that rectangular Muggle thing is.

"Sure," grunts the boy in the Hufflepuff Quidditch kit.

Parker realizes they're all looking at her. "Yeah, why not?" she says, and flips her legs up so she can dangle upside-down from the back of the stands. It helps her think.

The Slytherin boy summons a picnic basket from beneath them and starts pulling out butterbeers, one for each of them. "I'll start with you, Parker," he says, setting the bottle down where she can see it. "You stole the portrait of Albus Dumbledore right out of the headmistress's office."

"How did you know that?" Parker demands.

"Also, I'd like my Remembrall back, please." He doesn't answer her question, just passes a butterbeer to the Ravenclaw boy. "And you, Hardison, not only integrated Muggle technology into Hogwarts, but used it to change all the failing grades in Professor Malfoy's Potions classes to full marks."

The boy -- Hardison -- who's really attractive, even from this angle, where she can see up his nose -- inclines his head with a grin. "Age of the geek, baby," he says.

"Whatever that means," says the Quidditch player.

"You, Eliot, won a fight against the entire Slytherin Quidditch team -- as well as their respect -- in your first year at school."

He shrugs and tosses his hair back. "They weren't as tough as they thought they were."

"Sophie, you passed yourself off as a visiting instructor from Beauxbatons in front of two fully-trained Aurors and Minister of Magic Granger herself."

"Why?" Parker asks her.

Sophie smiles. "I felt like it." She takes a sip of her butterbeer. "And what about you, Nate?"

"Oh, I'm nothing special," Nate says, and taps his bottle with his wand, muttering a spell. "What I am is the wizard with the plan. What do you guys know about Jim Sterling?"

"He was Head Boy last year," Sophie says. "Gryffindor. He took over for Filch as caretaker when he retired, I believe so he could have access to the library while he works on his Magus Doctoris."

"In fun-ruining," Parker mutters.

"In showing up where you wish he wouldn't," Hardison adds.

"Ahh," Nate says, and tips his bottle towards Hardison. "What would you say if I told you there's a reason for that?"

"Besides being a giant asshole?" growls Eliot.

"Besides that," Nate says. "He has a map that shows him the location of every person in the castle."

"You're joking," says Sophie. "There can't be such a thing."

"But there is. I've seen it." Nate looks smug.

"That could be incredibly useful," says Hardison, looking up from his rectangle-thing. "If it's real."

"Oh, it's real," Nate says. "And it could be ours."

"Keep talking." Eliot crosses his arms over his chest.

"All right." Nate takes a swig of his -- well, it doesn't smell like butterbeer anymore. "Here's how it's going to go..."

***

"Hey! I don't know what you think you're doing, but it's going to start right now!" shouts Sterling.

"He started it!" Eliot shouts back. There's an impressive crunching noise, which Parker suspects is someone's nose.

"That's no excuse for breaking his nose like some kind of Muggle truant, Mr. Spencer!" He jogs down the hallway towards the fight, going right under the gargoyle Parker is perched on top of. People never look up.

Once he's out of sight around the corner, Parker hops down and signals Hardison, who tiptoes through the open door of Sterling's office -- right into a shimmering magical barrier.

"Oh, yeah," he mutters. "Couldn't be anything simple for our boy Sterling."

"Can you get through it?" Parker asks.

Hardison looks at her like she's slapped him. "Of course I can!" He pulls out his wand and taps the barrier in a careful pattern, then says, "Edolandus!" The barrier flashes and disappears.

"Nice," Parker says. "My turn." The map, looking just like Nate had described it, is lying on top of Sterling's desk, in plain sight. That's good, because she doesn't have to look for it, but it's also bad, because he's going to notice that it's gone very quickly. She glances around the room and finds a piece of parchment about the same size on a shelf. It won't fool him for long, but they'll have time to get out of the way.

Parker makes the swap and dusts her hands off showily. "That wasn't so bad," she tells Hardison, tucking the map inside her robes.

"Never say that!" Hardison hisses.

"Why not?" Then she sees why not: Sterling is coming back. "Oh."

"Jim, darling!" A whirl of black robes sweeps past the doorway. 'I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Thank Merlin for Sophie," Hardison says in a low voice.

"No kidding." Parker creeps closer to the door. Sophie's got Sterling facing away from them. "C'mon, let's get out of here."

They get out of Sterling's office and onto one of the moving staircases while Sophie is still flattering Sterling's ego. As soon as the staircase sweeps them over towards the library, Parker casts Expecto Patronum. "Nate, we've got it," she tells her Patronus, and it flaps off in the direction of Ravenclaw Tower.

"What's your Patronus?" Hardison asks her.

"A scarlet tanager," Parker says.

"How can you tell it's scarlet? It's silver," Hardison points out.

"I just know."

"That's cool," Hardison says. "I can dig that." They sit down at one of the tables in the library. Parker grabs a book at random to use as window dressing; Hardison takes out his weird rectangle.

"What is that thing?" Parker demands, poking it. The surface is slick, like glass.

"Hey, don't touch!" He wipes it fastidiously with the sleeve of his robe. "It's a tablet."

"What's it do?"

"Girl, what doesn't it do? Look at this." He presses his thumb to the tablet, and it lights up. "All of my textbooks are on here, plus I can talk to my Nana, play games, order things..."

"That's pretty cool," Parker says. "It's a Muggle thing?"

"Now, see, I think that's reductive thinking," Hardison says. "Some things just transcend the Muggle/Wizarding binary, you know?"

"Sure," Parker says, "like money."

"Yeah, that's a good example!" He looks delighted. Parker likes what his face does. "And, see, I think --"

"He boring you?" Eliot asks, dropping into a backwards chair and resting his arms on the back.

"Nah, I like him," Parker says. Hardison makes a funny noise, but she ignores it. "Did you get detention?"

"Only three days." Eliot shrugs. "Could be worse."

"Yeah, you could have had to flirt with him," Sophie says, grimacing delicately.

"Thanks for, you know, taking that figurative bullet, there," Hardison says. "I owe you one."

"Good work, team," says Nate, leaning on the back of Hardison's chair. "I'd ask you to show it to me, but we'd better not do it here."

Parker grins. "I know just the place."

***

"Parker, not that I don't trust you," Sophie says gently, "but I've been in this hallway a thousand times. There's nothing here."

"Not usually," Parker says. "Trust me, if we really need it, it'll be here." She squeezes her eyes shut and thinks about a place no one will find them.

"Huh," Nate says. "That's new."

Parker opens her eyes. There's the door, just like she remembers it. "Well? Come on in."

Inside, though, it looks nothing like she remembers. "There are usually climbing frames," she says, squinting at the table and spinny chairs. "And piles of Galleons."

"Piles of Galleons," Eliot repeats.

"Yeah, I like to sleep on top of them," Parker says. "This is cool, though."

"You said it only shows up when you need it," Sophie says, in that "I want you to answer a question, but I don't really want to ask it" voice that some people have. Parker chooses to ignore it.

"So maybe it only has what you need at the time," Hardison says. "Dude!"

"Five points to Ravenclaw," Nate says. "Parker, let's see that map."

She pulls it out of her robe with a flourish and hands it over. Nate sits down at the head of the table and spreads the map out flat; the rest of them sit down and look at it, even though it doesn't look like much.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," Nate says, and ink swirls over the parchment. It resolves into --

"Whoa," Hardison says. "This is better than I thought. Is this real time?"

"Eliot, walk across the room," Nate says. He does it, and Parker watches a tiny pair of footprints neatly labeled Eliot Spencer walk away from the rest of their names. "I'd say that's a yes, Hardison."

"That's incredible," says Sophie.

"No kidding," says Hardison. "The amount of magical knowledge involved in making something like this --"

'Yeah, but what do we do with it?" Eliot asks.

"Ah," Nate says, leaning back in his chair. "The question is really -- what do we do with it first?"


End file.
